For Nannie...
For Nannie…
First off I want to apologize for my terrible grammar and sometimes spelling… this blog is intended for me to share my stories, vent, be emotional, and passionate. So sometimes when I get writing all grammar goes out the window and I just write. I hope I don’t offend anyone or upset anyone but at times I will come across blunt and harsh… However…the truth is… the lung cancer world is harsh and blunt and not fair! So when I write it might come across that way.
My Nannie was one of the most amazing women I have ever met. If there was a beautiful woman in this world it was her. She was so beautiful, her hair was platinum blonde and I don’t think I ever caught her without lipstick on at least. She would pin her hair up before she went to bed every night and her outfits always were classy and coordinated. She loved clothes and fashion.
Her faith was impressive… something I yearn to have every day. She had such a positive outlook on life and not a care in the world. And if she did… you would have never known it. Growing up Nannie was around for everything. However she did have one bad habit… she was ALWAYS ALWAYS late. I remember growing up I would ask my mom “when will Nannie be here?” and my mom’s response was always “when you see her headlights pull in the driveway… that’s when she will be here, Tay.” You could never give a time for Nannies arrival or even try to give a guess because you would really never know. I liked this about Nannie. It kept it interesting.
I remember growing up and Nannie telling me stories about the bible and her relationship with the Lord. She had such an amazing relationship with Him… I was always in awe. I remember sitting on my front porch with the carolina blue ceiling, big white comfortable wicker furniture and a front porch swing and we could sit there for hours just talking about faith, religion, God, and childhood stories. Nannie would always have a cup of coffee, and even if it was 3 in the afternoon she would still be drinking it. Sometimes she would sneak in to warm it up but sometimes it didn’t matter if it was cold if we were in the middle of a good conversation. Another trait I liked about Nannie was that even if it was 3:00 in the afternoon it was ok to be in our nightgowns and she would rock hers like it was a designer gown. She lived such a carefree life. She lived and loved every moment.
Another thing I loved about my grandmother was that she loved my family more than life itself. She would have done anything she could have for us. And she loved her dog Tucker. Tucker and Nannie had a love hate relationship. Tucker was hard headed, old, def, and set in her ways. And she would give my grandmother hell. But my grandmother LOVED that dog. She would ride in the back seat of my grandmother’s old yellow station wagon and just tag along. I would always be so excited when they arrived at Christmas; I could always count on a coffee cake, tucker running away, my dad chasing Tucker with cheese to come back, fresh fruit, and beautiful presents wrapped by Belk’s. It was a Nannie trademark.
Some of you are probably wondering why I am telling you all about my grandmother and the amazing women she was. Well my grandmother was struck by this horrible disease as well. When my grandmother was diagnosed with Lung Cancer I was a freshman in college. I remember the call to this day. I was sitting on the end of my bed in my dorm. I had just finished soccer practice and I was exhausted. My mom called me to tell me the news. I don’t remember if we knew how advanced it was at that point. But I knew very little about lung cancer just like the rest of the general public. I had no idea what was about to strike my family.
My grandmother was diagnosed and 40 days later she passed away from this horrible disease. She wasn’t even given a chance to fight. I know if she was given the chance that she would have given it one hell of a shot! It breaks my heart to even think about it. And writing it right now is killing me! But I am writing to honor her. She lived such a great life, but I miss her dearly. I know now for sure that she is in heaven with my grandfather and looking down on my family and me. If there is one thing I am thankful for… my grandmother’s death was peaceful. There wasn’t a whole lot of pain which I am so grateful for. I don’t know if some people are aware, but ALL cancer deaths are terrible and sad but sometimes they can be worse than others…. Very long and painful. I am grateful that my grandmother didn’t have to endure that.
My grandmother always went to church with us, and something that a lot of people don’t really know about me is that I love to sing. It was always on the backburner when I was little and growing up because soccer always took priority. But when we would go to church I would sing… and sing my lungs out. My grandmother always wished that I would sing more and some of her last words to me were “Sing Sing Sing.” Since then my mom and dad have been encouraging me to sing more often. I am taking it more literally… I’m not necessarily singing… but I am SPEAKING and speaking up about lung cancer.
I don’t think I go through a day without thinking about what I can do to make a difference. I wish I had all the money in the world to give for research but I don’t… so I give what I can and that’s my voice. I am so blessed to be here and to be able to share my success story. I believe it is my calling. Sometimes I wonder or feel guiltily as to why I survived and others don’t. It’s like a “survivor’s guilt”… kind of strange to explain it. But I know that I have the potential to really make a difference in this horrible disease. I think to myself on a daily basis…. What is it going to take to get the public to realize what this disease is doing and how horrible it is? If you have ideas of how we can make a difference please let me know also!!
With all of this being said I would love the chance to hear your stories and ideas on how we can make a difference in lung cancer. So please feel free to email me your story and I will occasionally post them to my blog. bellt@ecu.edu
Thank you to everyone who reposted my blog and shared comments! Its people like you who keep me motivated and wanting to advocate. Sometimes it’s easy to get burned out because you are screaming at the top of your lungs (or lung… ;)) and no one is paying attention to you. But together we can make a difference!
A few words of encouragement...
Sometimes life's going to hit you in the head with a brick. My grandmother’s lung cancer diagnosis and my diagnosis were like getting hit in the head with a brick! Don't lose faith. I'm convinced that the only thing that keeps me going and advocating is that I love what I do and I’m called to do it. You've got to find what you love. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice, heart and intuition. Keep up the faith and the fight!
-TB
First off I want to apologize for my terrible grammar and sometimes spelling… this blog is intended for me to share my stories, vent, be emotional, and passionate. So sometimes when I get writing all grammar goes out the window and I just write. I hope I don’t offend anyone or upset anyone but at times I will come across blunt and harsh… However…the truth is… the lung cancer world is harsh and blunt and not fair! So when I write it might come across that way.
My Nannie was one of the most amazing women I have ever met. If there was a beautiful woman in this world it was her. She was so beautiful, her hair was platinum blonde and I don’t think I ever caught her without lipstick on at least. She would pin her hair up before she went to bed every night and her outfits always were classy and coordinated. She loved clothes and fashion.
Her faith was impressive… something I yearn to have every day. She had such a positive outlook on life and not a care in the world. And if she did… you would have never known it. Growing up Nannie was around for everything. However she did have one bad habit… she was ALWAYS ALWAYS late. I remember growing up I would ask my mom “when will Nannie be here?” and my mom’s response was always “when you see her headlights pull in the driveway… that’s when she will be here, Tay.” You could never give a time for Nannies arrival or even try to give a guess because you would really never know. I liked this about Nannie. It kept it interesting.
I remember growing up and Nannie telling me stories about the bible and her relationship with the Lord. She had such an amazing relationship with Him… I was always in awe. I remember sitting on my front porch with the carolina blue ceiling, big white comfortable wicker furniture and a front porch swing and we could sit there for hours just talking about faith, religion, God, and childhood stories. Nannie would always have a cup of coffee, and even if it was 3 in the afternoon she would still be drinking it. Sometimes she would sneak in to warm it up but sometimes it didn’t matter if it was cold if we were in the middle of a good conversation. Another trait I liked about Nannie was that even if it was 3:00 in the afternoon it was ok to be in our nightgowns and she would rock hers like it was a designer gown. She lived such a carefree life. She lived and loved every moment.
Another thing I loved about my grandmother was that she loved my family more than life itself. She would have done anything she could have for us. And she loved her dog Tucker. Tucker and Nannie had a love hate relationship. Tucker was hard headed, old, def, and set in her ways. And she would give my grandmother hell. But my grandmother LOVED that dog. She would ride in the back seat of my grandmother’s old yellow station wagon and just tag along. I would always be so excited when they arrived at Christmas; I could always count on a coffee cake, tucker running away, my dad chasing Tucker with cheese to come back, fresh fruit, and beautiful presents wrapped by Belk’s. It was a Nannie trademark.
Some of you are probably wondering why I am telling you all about my grandmother and the amazing women she was. Well my grandmother was struck by this horrible disease as well. When my grandmother was diagnosed with Lung Cancer I was a freshman in college. I remember the call to this day. I was sitting on the end of my bed in my dorm. I had just finished soccer practice and I was exhausted. My mom called me to tell me the news. I don’t remember if we knew how advanced it was at that point. But I knew very little about lung cancer just like the rest of the general public. I had no idea what was about to strike my family.
My grandmother was diagnosed and 40 days later she passed away from this horrible disease. She wasn’t even given a chance to fight. I know if she was given the chance that she would have given it one hell of a shot! It breaks my heart to even think about it. And writing it right now is killing me! But I am writing to honor her. She lived such a great life, but I miss her dearly. I know now for sure that she is in heaven with my grandfather and looking down on my family and me. If there is one thing I am thankful for… my grandmother’s death was peaceful. There wasn’t a whole lot of pain which I am so grateful for. I don’t know if some people are aware, but ALL cancer deaths are terrible and sad but sometimes they can be worse than others…. Very long and painful. I am grateful that my grandmother didn’t have to endure that.
My grandmother always went to church with us, and something that a lot of people don’t really know about me is that I love to sing. It was always on the backburner when I was little and growing up because soccer always took priority. But when we would go to church I would sing… and sing my lungs out. My grandmother always wished that I would sing more and some of her last words to me were “Sing Sing Sing.” Since then my mom and dad have been encouraging me to sing more often. I am taking it more literally… I’m not necessarily singing… but I am SPEAKING and speaking up about lung cancer.
I don’t think I go through a day without thinking about what I can do to make a difference. I wish I had all the money in the world to give for research but I don’t… so I give what I can and that’s my voice. I am so blessed to be here and to be able to share my success story. I believe it is my calling. Sometimes I wonder or feel guiltily as to why I survived and others don’t. It’s like a “survivor’s guilt”… kind of strange to explain it. But I know that I have the potential to really make a difference in this horrible disease. I think to myself on a daily basis…. What is it going to take to get the public to realize what this disease is doing and how horrible it is? If you have ideas of how we can make a difference please let me know also!!
With all of this being said I would love the chance to hear your stories and ideas on how we can make a difference in lung cancer. So please feel free to email me your story and I will occasionally post them to my blog. bellt@ecu.edu
Thank you to everyone who reposted my blog and shared comments! Its people like you who keep me motivated and wanting to advocate. Sometimes it’s easy to get burned out because you are screaming at the top of your lungs (or lung… ;)) and no one is paying attention to you. But together we can make a difference!
A few words of encouragement...
Sometimes life's going to hit you in the head with a brick. My grandmother’s lung cancer diagnosis and my diagnosis were like getting hit in the head with a brick! Don't lose faith. I'm convinced that the only thing that keeps me going and advocating is that I love what I do and I’m called to do it. You've got to find what you love. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice, heart and intuition. Keep up the faith and the fight!
-TB
You are an inspiration Taylor! I'm so glad to know you have so much strength and such a positive attitude about your situation. Keep it up!!!
ReplyDeleteWell said Taylor, you are such a blessing to all of us.
ReplyDeleteThis blog is a great source of information which is very useful for me.
ReplyDeleteBEST INFORMATION ABOUT LUNG CANCER.